I have a good memory. I used to have a great memory – there was little that escaped the filing cabinet between my ears- and then I grew up and had a child and new mommy brain moved in and unpacked. At that point, if it wasn’t written down on my “list,” forgettaboutit! It was the little tasks that left me at a loss though, not actual memories of things, places, people (except for my completely blocking out memories of 90% of my childhood, but that’s another type of entry!!).
But I found myself in the early (and not so early) days of motherhood, wishing for an “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” type of memory cleanse. Parenthood was (is!) amazing, but in my sleep deprived haze, where “sleeping in” meant 7:00 am and not 9:00 am, I truly wished that I could not remember life pre-Sara. To not think longingly of lazy weekend mornings, lounging in bed, dining in pjs, puttering around, ah, that seemed like such a gift. Spontaneous drinks or movies out, how I thought so lovingly of thee. Choosing my schedule because it fit my needs and wants, ah, those were good times. And I wanted no recollection of any of it.
As the days and weeks and months passed, I wondered how long it would be – if ever – that those memories would no longer be at the forefront. Well, I have an answer. Three years. Yes, Sara recently celebrated the completion of her third year on this planet, and I realized that while I still remember what life was life before she came on the scene, it definitely, finally falls in to the distant memory camp. Sure, some weekend mornings when we hear her stirring, I wish I could roll over and go back to sleep, but just as often I am up anyway and ready to start the day. On vacations, breakfasting in pj’s feels like a lovely indulgence, instead of something routine. Movies are for date night, and going for drinks too often just makes functioning the next day harder.
Our life, our schedule with her, it is the new normal. And I wouldn’t change a thing (well … except teaching her that the time to wake up is 8:00 and not 7:00 … maybe when she is four).